Saturday, 8 December 2012

Typically Modest Tories Credit Labour With Historic Triple Dip

George Osborne refused to accept credit for an unprecedented imminent Triple Dip recession, instead insisting that his predecessors, Alastair Darling and Gordon Brown deserved full credit for this unique historical achievement.

Osborne, who has been in the job for two years and inherited robust growth from Chancellor Darling, modestly declined to claim responsibility for the recent wave of bad economic news.

 "I don't think it is at all fair to say that I'm responsible for it," brayed the multi-millionaire carpet heir turned politician from his gigantic country pile.

"I haven't really done anything since I became Chancellor. I certainly haven't listened to any advice. Most of the time, I've been looking at myself in the mirror, thinking how handsome I am.

"Whatever might be going on, I'm sure it's nothing to do with me. It must have been those other chaps."

Quizzed as to who the "Other chaps" he referred to were, Osborne looked puzzled. After a few moments of awkward silence, when it became apparent that the Chancellor could not recall the names of his predecessors, he summoned his butler to remind him. After a frantic consultation, Osborn, looking much reassured, continued.

"I can't be expected to bring about a triple dip all by myself. I'm totally ineffectual, a sort of more articulate George W Bush without the likeable buffoonish persona. I'm just a useless, hateful cock. It's all down to Barling and Drown, as I said before."

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I am still here.

 I am still here.  I haven't gone away.  I'm just trying to shame you all into better behaviour through my disapproving silence.