Sunday, 10 October 2010


truly, my powers are without bound. Only a few hours after I expressed my displeasure at the continued employment status of Paul henry, the situation was resolved (1). Repeated on air mockery of women and non-whites couldn't do it. the combined opprobrium of 1 billion Indians he'd branded 'Dick Shits' couldn't do it. Self important serial protesters with placards couldn't do it, nor the combined squealing of the leftwing bloglands. But lefthandpalm did it.

I also managed to waft Len Brown into office in Auckland, without even having to state my desire. Smart cookies, those Aucklanders, sensing my every wish. I will reward them with bountiful harvests and clement weather.

I hereby decree that the Chilean miners shall be rescued, Co2 levels will stabilise at 300ppm with everyone enjoying a sustainable lifestyle roughly equivalent to my current level of material comfort. I order all gods, supernatural entities and spirits of nature to show up and admit they do not exist. I compel all my subjects (that's you) to renounce meat. Steve Jobs will realise what a pillock he is and Go Away, in the manner of Mr Henry. In fact, many people will realise they displease me and Go Away.

So many, in fact, that it would probably be easier if I did, instead.
1 - "New Zealand TV anchor Paul Henry quits over Sheila Dikshit row," unattributed IANS article. Published by the Times of India, 10th of October, 2010. (

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