Manbag

So, it has came to my attention recently that I now have too much stuff to comfortably fit in my pockets.  So I set out on a mission to find a bag on a strap that I can carry stuff about in.

My wife helpfully informed me that what I was seeking might commonly be called a 'manbag'.  I wanted something practical, and the items she had in mind was too small for a laptop, which is why I didn't see much point.

To which she replied, "That's why you need to buy a tablet as well," at which I (technophobe who still buys music on vinyl) hurrumphed and requisitioned one of her spare handbags (they are like manbags but for girls, apparently) which wasn't too screamingly feminine, so that's all good.

I did think about just stuffing stuff into a laptop bag, but it is a delicate balancing act, far more complicated than I realised at first.

If the amount of assorted rubbish you feel compelled to carry about with you exceeds the capacity of your pockets, it may not be enough to fill up a laptop bag to a respectable degree; one looks suspicious if one has a large bag the turns out to contain a glasses case, a copy of Nostromo and a half eaten packet of Fruit Pastilles (do you still get Fruit Pastilles? They were my favourite sweet when I was a kid).

Or worse, it makes it look like one has not adequately planned this foray into the word; and one can not go about forever lugging a laptop just to fill up the extra space in the bag.

So an intermediate bag is needed, for those occasions when you need a bit more than you can sensibly cram into your pockets, but can not justify a backpack or laptop sort of bag.

I think the manbag thing is looks a lot better when you're David Beckham, not lurgee. Still, now I can carry a book around with me. A real one, not some nonsensical Kindle.

I tried to justify forking out for a dedicated manbag by arguing (to myself, aloud, in public) that they are essentially another means of display to impress women with. "Look," they scream, "I've got so much stuff I can't cram it into my pockets like that oaf you are with just now! And I can waste money on a pointlessly expensive leather pouch rather than a scruffy backpack!"

However, Mrs lurgee seems to resent my appropriation of her wardrobe (the handbag, not the undies - she doesn't know I filch them) and used a recklessly unsupervised visit to Auckland to buy me a 'proper' manbag of my own, though I'm not sure about it.

First, it looks like a laptop bag, and if you are going to do this whole looking like an idiot thing you might as well do it properly.  Some people might actually think I'm just carrying a laptop about, not trying to make a pretentious fool of myself.  Still, a few moments of conversation should soon set that right.

Also, it has velcro bits, which also diminishes its ludicrous urban fop cache.  I'm sure David Beckham's bag doesn't have velcro on it.

Finally, it has too many compartments, and I can never find things when I need them, and can imagine what I'm expected to be carrying about with me in order to fill them all.