Monday, 18 March 2013

Pandas? Fuck 'em

Sorry, but it has to be said.  To Hell with Pandas.  They might be cute, they might be fluffy and they might be just like gigantic teddy bears, but they don't want to survive and we shouldn't waste limited resources trying to preserve an evolutionary dead end with a death wish.

This is a species where the females are only fertile for three days a year.  Three days! There are hardly any Pandas in the wild and the tiny colonies in zoos are living in conditions so alien to the species that they don't know how to fuck until shown footage of Pandas shagging.

Look, it's very nice that Ke Lin finally got his end away, but the fact that we have to show our captive curiosities footage of Panda sex so they can learn the basics is proof not of our ingenuity an an earnest of our eventual success, but an indication of how hopeless our task is. We can't hope to preserve anything that can meaningfully be described as a Panda.

Even if Youngyong succeeds in becoming a sort of ursine Kate Middleton and her bump is featured on the front page of every wildlife celebrity tittle-tattle magazine from here to the end of the world, whatever she produces won't be a panda, because a panda is as social as well as biological construct - and the pathetic, alienated remnants we are preserving are as far removed from genuine wild Pandas as I am from an Earthworm.

It would be more decent to let them die out, rather than preserving them as self-propelled, perambulating teddy bears to be gawped at in zoos and 'wildlife' sanctuaries.

I genuinely think there is no point in investing millions in trying to preserve something that seems intent on dying off and which has no chance of coping with out millions being continuously poured into preserving it's useless furry hide.

 There isn't nearly enough money to go around and far more good could be achieved by directing money squandered on pandas toward helping preserve species that behave like they actually want to be here. Their only future is as a pitiful curiosity item in zoos.

Given how limited resources are, there are more useful areas the money could be spent. I'm not celebrating their extinction, just pointing out that it is going to happen fairly soon, and we would be better off not trying to avert it.

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