Wednesday, 4 November 2009

Brutal Thug Boris Johnson Harrasses Teenage Girls

Boris Johnson, tsar of London, has once again demonstrated his total unfittness for office by attacking a group of young women with an iron bar (1).

That the victims of this vicious assault were female only adds to the air of disgusting menace, that hangs about the Stalin of the Thames, like a cloud of flies around the corpse of a dog on a hot day.

Apparently, Johnson spotted some young girls while out cycling - looking for trouble might be more accurate - and promptly set about them, raining insults on them when he discovered that his disgustingly flabby, lard encased frame was too swollen from guzzling the baubles of office to mount an effective pursuit.

What is more depressing of this modern day fable of oligarchical oppression is that the victims of this attack were merely trying to better themselves- aspiring to the possession of the sort of things that Johnson is so bloated with privilege that he would not even notice.

It is regrettable that the girls in question lacked genuine class consciousness and were motivated only by crude, materialistic concerns - setting themselves up as Little Johnsons, in effect, using threats and violence of their own against another. But given that the other was already far more privileged and wealthy than these girls could ever aspire to be, their crime must be veiewed in the light of the far greater crime of modern industrial capitalism.

Johnson demonstrated that the only real law is that might is right - a powerfully built man threatening a group of girls with an iron bar is, in minature, a perfect emblem of the social and sexual exploitation of the proletariat by the forces of capital and their political allies.

The Tsar's office was not willing to comment on this latest act of aggressive thuggery by the the despotic Johnson. This is not surprising. They must be working overtime to find some way to show this vicious, cowardly assault in a positive light.
1 - "Johnson saves woman from 'oiks'," unattributed BBC article. Published 3rd of November, 2009. (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/8340865.stm). Do I really need to say my article is a piss take? Probably. It's a piss take, you quilt!

9 comments:

Dave Hill said...

Ooh, you evil communist!

Anonymous said...

Retard..

Alex London said...

Actual Boris intervened to stop an assault after the victim called out for help.

How do you know the 12 year olds where not far wealthier than their victim? As yet they have not been caught. Did you know their victim was a climate change film maker and even voted against Boris in the last election, but why let any amount of truth get in the way...

It must be really irksome that a right of centre politician did something heroic.

I really do pity you and now I fully expect you to say that I do not get your humour or just throw some insults, but at least some may understand the truth.

Anonymous said...

Some people find satire hard to handle! If was more clever I'd find a pun that connects Boris's vicious use of a bar and irony, but I'm not.

Erlend said...

My understanding is that it was the girls who had the iron bar.

raincoaster said...

It's my understanding that he hasn't even been charged for stealing their iron bar. Shocking!

Foo said...

It's my understanding that there are some people in this world who a) don't have a sense of humour and b) are stupid.

Anonymous said...

Of course the fact that they were actually boys doesn't spoil your splenetic ramblings one iota...

lurgee said...

According to the BBC source article, they were girls. I appreciate that sometimes, it is hard to tell with the British female, whether it is Arthur or Martha, but you can blame for any gender confusion.

While I'm delighted to have so many hackles raised in my direction, please. It's satire. I'm not even targeting Johnson, but parodying the sort of dim, reductivist stance favoured by the likes of Socialist Worker, where everything gets boiled down to a) The class war, and b) The wickedness of the bourgeois.

Though if I have to explain that to you, you'll probably still wallow in your slough of obstinate wrongness, regardless. Obviosuly, educational standards are far lower than I realised, I blame Thatcher, et cetera, et cetera ...